October 15, 2014: Fear Not! Have Faith!

Several years ago, God began construction on my heart and soul. I was a stubborn one. I fought Him a lot of the way. I’d give in. Let go and let God to only yank my life back out of His hands for my own pleasure. See, to give it all to God means pain, sacrifice, hard work, and a lot of rainy, stormy nights.

I’ve been through hell. Sometimes rightfully so. I’ve struggled. I’ve failed. I’ve turned away. And still He was there waiting. Every. Single. Time.

A few years ago, I studied the “Fear Not” verses. I learned a lot. I came to peace with so much. Still I struggled. Still I questioned. Still I lived a very selfish-like life.

God humbled me. It was painful! Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually…I was broken, shattered, torn apart, & empty. Some days feeling completely soulless. Little did I know, God was destroying the shack of a life I had sentenced myself to in order to start building the foundation for the mansion he has in store for me.

Have you ever laid a foundation? Watched the slow process from prepping the land all the way to smoothing concrete? Have you seen it all done by hand without any type of machine? Yeah, that’s how God’s been working on me. That slow and laborious kind of love that says, “I love you so much you won’t ever forget again how hard this is to do it right.” Perfect? No, way! God knows better. He didn’t create me to be perfect. He has a purpose for me. It’s obviously not completed yet, as I’m still here.

The lesson in faith has been hard for me. It took several things, but I believe my daughter’s dream of Heaven was intended to supply me with a new sense of understanding of God, and what’s truly important to Him.

See for years, I thought God wanted me to be good and do good, and I kept failing at that every day it seemed. Some days I failed worse than others. At times, no one would have ever mistaken me as a Christian. I could never measure up. The more of a failure I felt, the more it seemed I failed. I was on a vicious cycle of self-destruction.

And then K’Lee told me her dream. Although much of what she said brought me comfort and fascinated me, it was that moment between Earth & Heaven when the only things flashing before your eyes are all the times you lacked faith in God, all the times He spoke and you refused to listen or were too busy to even hear His call. This was God’s clear and defining message to me!

Faith-like moments started flashing into my life. Here are some examples I can recall off the top of my head.

-ISIS cut off the heads of believers because they wouldn’t denounce the name of Jesus – amazing faith! God gave them wings!

-A little boy in a rodeo accident given very little hope. The faith of him & his family has equated to healing. God gave them solid ground to stand on!

– A woman dying of terminal brain cancer speaks out of God’s perfect plan of her imperfect life. God gives her strength and peace before He’ll give her wings!

– A man & woman told they could never conceive will soon give birth to a baby. God gave them a miracle and solid ground to celebrate on!

Not everyone gets a Wow! Miracle. In fact, some people die horrible and painful deaths. And yet, their life was never without value or purpose. Until their last breath, they are fulfilling God’s plan for their life.

I have no clue what God has in store for me. I don’t know what He’s been preparing me for. I just know I’m ready. I have a calmness within myself. I’m at peace with whatever He has in store for me. I have faith He’ll see me through the storm or cover me in peace. Either way, God is good & all that He has done is intentional & with purpose.


About courage2conquercancer

At the age of 40, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is an account of my journey from my discovery and beyond.
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