October 24, 2014: Telling Our Kids

Jonathan called my oldest step-daughter and asked her and her husband to come over, we FaceTimed with my youngest step-daughter who’s living in the Houston area, and called our daughter and son to come downstairs to join us. Jonathan and I explained to our children that I had been diagnosed with breast cancer. We had to assure them that everything was going to be okay even though we didn’t know that. We were walking and talking on faith. Chelsye (the eldest) was probably the most outspoken. She was angry. Why did this happen to me? She felt other people deserved it more than me. Personally, I don’t think anyone deserves cancer, but many of us get it. Tessa (the next to oldest) probably cried the most. She’s the farthest away and the most removed from the every day happenings and the many doctor appointments all the other kids were very aware of. K’Lee seemed the most fearful and scared. The thought of losing her mommy to cancer was more than she could wrap her mind around, yet cancer only meant death in her mind. JT was the most protective of me and probably the most positive. He wanted to hug me and tell me he loved me. He’d be the first to assure me that everything was going to be okay. He couldn’t cope with it being any other way, I think.

I was very calm and showed little emotion. God covered me in His peace. I have no idea what all is coming, but I had to believe God had it all under control. Jonathan was also calm. We’d already had our private moments when we had fallen apart and shed our tears, but our kids hadn’t. My strength probably wasn’t what my kids needed to see. They wanted me to feel like they were. They wanted me to be mad, but I wasn’t. They wanted me to be scared, but I wasn’t. They wanted me to question why this was happening to me, but I wasn’t asking why. Instead, I was asking God to turn this into something that would glorify Him. As I expressed this to my family hoping this would bring them peace, it upset them even more. My faith, my God-granted peace of mind, and my acceptance of what was happening was obviously mine and not shared by anyone else in my family at this time. Things just weren’t going the way I thought they might. Telling my family was much harder than I had prepared myself for.

As we all parted ways and I went to bed, I found myself crying out to God to please be with my family. I wanted them to be covered in the same calming peace I felt He had covered me in. God assured me everything was going to be okay. I just needed to be patient and to stay strong.

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About courage2conquercancer

At the age of 40, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is an account of my journey from my discovery and beyond.
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