November 2, 2014: Worry Less, Trust More

Typically a worrier to a fault, I handed cancer over to God. I know I have absolutely no control over whatever went wrong with those cells. God brought me peace and comfort from the moment cancer was only a less than 10% chance to a 100% reality. 

I’ve prayed a lot for peace and comfort for my family and friends, especially my family. Cancer is a very tough word to digest when you’re a spouse and a child and even a parent and sibling. The crazy thing is that life doesn’t stop just because you’ve been diagnosed with cancer. Your family is still fighting their own battles every day that have nothing to do with my cancer. They have their own struggles, pain, and brokenness to work through. Yet, they go out of their way to be there for me.

Many people connect cancer to being sick. I know I sure did. But I don’t feel sick. In fact, the crazy thing is I feel the healthiest I have in years. It’s hard to even comprehend these foreign masses growing inside of me stealing part of my body. So it’s weird when people check on me as though I’m sick. Jonathan asks me at least ten times a day if I’m feeling okay or if I need anything. He goes out of his way to do everything around the house he can to help out. My kids check-in a lot more often and need more hugs & attention than the two teenagers that lived here before cancer was part of our lives. My big girls, mom, and siblings also check-in a lot more often.

Our eldest, Chelsye, wanted to help. It’s what everyone asks to do when they find out I’ve been diagnosed with cancer. “How can I help?” and “What do you need?” are two questions I’ve been asked since releasing the news. The problem is I’m not good at asking for help. I’m a dig your heels in and shovel your own way out kind of kid. Many times I don’t know what I need until it’s too late. Chelsye decided to be proactive. Knowing our insurance deductable was outlandish and I’d be off work without pay for at least a month, she set up an online fundraiser on my behalf. I had no idea! When I opened my Facebook and read her sweet words, I couldn’t stop the tears. Sometimes the ones we love know exactly what we need and know better how to ask for it.

Chelsye, just like most of you, has her own struggles and battles to fight; yet today, she took on mine! That’s love! I’ll be forever grateful for her sacrifice along with all those that answer the call to give. “Thank you” is never enough when you’re caught up in the middle of all of this, but I know no other words to express my gratitude. 

As I sat in church this morning listening to the preacher talk about assessing needs, meeting needs, and being “the church” every day all the time, God instead laid something very different on my heart. He whispered in His quiet voice to give my needs over to Him and trust Him with them. Chelsye, obviously, took “go out into the world and be the church” to heart. She did it beautifully too. With her gift and many others who’ve followed in her footsteps has come another peaceful calmness over me through this complicated journey. My cup runeth over with joy and thanksgiving!

Philippians 4:6-7
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

About courage2conquercancer

At the age of 40, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is an account of my journey from my discovery and beyond.
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