November 6, 2014: Silence is Frustrating!

I’ve felt pretty horrible for the last 24 hours or more, but some of the sayings we say when we are sick and miserable aren’t as user friendly when you have cancer. Someone asked me how I felt yesterday and I popped off and replied, “Like I’m dying!” Hmmm…not a cool reply when you have cancer. Not at all! I tried to take those words back, but the painful look was already on their face. Sorry.

Jonathan made me call the doctor. I was able to get in this afternoon. I don’t have the flu. I don’t have strep. I’m not developing pneumonia. I just have a good old fashion upper respiratory infection. He gave me a shot and some antibiotics and told me I’d have to meet with my endocrinologist to get back on steroids. I knew it was coming, so I just smiled and whispered, “Okay.” He apologized. He knows how hard I’ve worked to stay off of them. God has a different plan, but that doesn’t mean I have to really like it today.

Besides feeling awful in comparison to feeling good, I’ve lost my voice. “Silence is golden” unless you need to speak. I needed to speak. I was a scheduling appointment fool today. It was FRUSTRATING! By the way my dear 806 area code friends, y’all don’t really live in Texas. They try really hard to help you schedule around your out-of-state inconveniences though which was nice but really? Amarillo has been in enough country songs for everyone to know it’s in Texas!

Needless to say, I have to go to the doctor a lot in the next two weeks. They’re going to poke me, draw on me, and discuss my future. I’m going to smile through it all even if I cry.

One of the women I admire so much in education, Kylene Beers, sent me great advice. Jonathan took me shopping for the special pillows and thank you notes. We looked for soft shirts or gowns, but couldn’t find any except online. And he made me buy a robe. I’m NOT a bathrobe kind of woman! I wanted to cry right then and there in the store. Over a stupid robe! A robe to me means a lot of negative things. Ugh! The weird things in life we must get past.

Now, I’m excited to not be contiguous, so I can go watch my baby girl perform in Grease and mentality be cheering for my son in his last game of the season that Jonathan is going to. Life goes on & what a great life it is!


About courage2conquercancer

At the age of 40, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is an account of my journey from my discovery and beyond.
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