November 11, 2014: A Season A Lot Like Winter

Sometimes we gradually transition into the next season of the year. The weather gradually changes and things gradually die or come back to life. In all seasons, life is beginning, sleeping, or ending. None of it happening without purpose, or reason. Stated plainly in Ecclesiastes 3:1 –

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.

My sister, Cindy, and I go for walks together on hard days. Yesterday, I went during my brief lunch time. Beyond the playground full of life, was a tree growing from the center of a dead-looking branch lying on the ground. Quite miraculous looking. I named it Hope. As I walked in the wind, I watched as it would pull and tug at the leaves trying desperately to free them from the branches. The wind would win and steal a few leaves from this tree or that one; but no matter how strong the gust, the wind never stole all the leaves from any one tree. It made me realize we are all in a struggle of some kind. Your tree may only be allowing a leaf here and there to fall, or your tree might be the first one to bare all its leaves, or you might have the one that is holding on to the leaves for dear life as they blow away anyway. We are all in our own seasons, fighting our own battles. I pray I don’t become so consumed in my own that I fail to see the snow falling in Colorado. (that was the weather my poor sister had on her walk)

Yesterday, I entered yet another season I enjoy about as much, or maybe even less than winter. My cortisol levels are too low to safely live life without steroid therapy. My family jokes and says things like, “Incredible Hulk Smash is back!” It’s a good thing I love them.

My husband was there at the doctor’s with me. He is my secretary keeping all my information in nice, clean and organized places. Not my strong suit! My endocrinologist isn’t always the easiest to understand. We walked out with different cortisol number. Jon saying she said 13 (way too low) and me saying 16 (low but manageable). Regardless, not the 25 I had hoped for. It’s disappointing and frustrating to work so hard, to make so many struggling changes, and come out fruitless on the other side. I felt like a wheat farmer looking out at the best crop in ages being destroyed by a hail storm.

Last night, I took my first dose of steroids in 18 months. The twitching returned. The sleepless night was instant. And this morning the tears fell as I ran. Dear God, please help me realize this storm shall pass as well.

I’m thankful my husband, kids and closest friends have been on this rocky road before. They will get me when I don’t even get myself. There’s always a silver lining.

Please continue to pray for my family and I as each day prepares us a little more for what’s to come. The next few days of transition back into steroids is normally an emotional roller coaster. We switched to a different kind in the hopes this would be better, but the payoff is uneven blood pressure. As little stress as possible for this girl for the next 10 days – hmmm…I’m going to have to hand that one completely over to God!

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About courage2conquercancer

At the age of 40, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is an account of my journey from my discovery and beyond.
This entry was posted in Addison's Disease, breast cancer and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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