November 27, 2014: Thanksgiving & Mastectomy Pains and Joys

My house is small, but that wouldn’t stop us from having our huge spread of Thanksgiving goodness. Mom cooked everything in Canyon before coming here for my surgery. She stayed all week to help care for my family and my house as my husband was my 24 hour on call nurse.

Dad, J’Amy, and Emmitt drove in with all the food yesterday. This morning, as I was sleeping (I seem to do a lot of that lately), our tiny kitchen was used to capacity as all our Thanksgiving foods were prepared. Jonathan even used his egg to cook K’Lee’s ham and warm up other things.

All I know is the food was awesome, my family was together, and even a horribly played football game by the Cowboys couldn’t ruin all we have to be thankful for.

I’m pretty sure Jon’s figured out how to maintain my pain levels. The Benadryl has stopped the uncomfortable itchiness with the cost of me sleeping a lot more and feeling completely drugged when I’m awake. My drains seem to contain less and less tomato red fluid which is a bad color, but I’ve yet to manage to get both of them to turn straw yellow like the doctor wants them to be. They are better though. Hopefully by Monday when I see him again, I’ll have them in the right color scheme.

All the medications messed with my emotions. Today, I’ve struggled with the sad emotions. The ones that make me cry for no reason. The ones that zap the joy out of all I’m thankful for and leave me wondering why I have so much to be joyful for and all I can feel is sad and I can’t stop the tears. I have to keep reminding myself that those emotions are drug inflicted and not how I really feel within myself.

God’s grace has been sufficient. I am well. I am surrounded by people who love me. I’m safe. I’m warm. I’m cared for. I’m loved. I’m healing. I’m thankful. Those are my real feelings.

I watched a sappy Christmas movie without going to sleep during it. That made me smile.
I managed to get out of my chair and to the bathroom all by myself. Big deal!

I walked outside with the sun on my face and the brilliant colors of the fall leaves all along my path. I walked the farthest since my surgery. That felt great!

I’ve been able to read and write and comprehend better today. Progress!

I’m very thankful for all those who’ve been such an amazing part of this journey with me. Many of you have prayed. God’s answering. To those who’ve mailed and given care packages, thank you for making this horrible surgery a little easier to handle. Several of you have helped us financially allowing us to pay the medical bills placed in front of us at each appointment and for each medication. Some of you have helped with food, and my starving kids are so grateful to you. Those who’ve gone out of their way to come by and hug my head and make me smile – thank you! To you who have called, sent cards, letters or messages, emailed, and Facebook comments, likes, posters, encouragement, etc. – Thank you! All your grand gestures and every small one makes a difference in my healing.

God is testing me and blessing me all at the same time. I’m growing daily in my faith and in my trust in my Heavenly Father. I’m learning to hear His quiet voice even though I can’t go run in the wee hours of the morning. I have plenty of time to read and study, and God helps me apply it to my life.

Ephesians 3:14-19
When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

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About courage2conquercancer

At the age of 40, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is an account of my journey from my discovery and beyond.
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