November 30, 2014: Struggling but Growing

This morning as I wrestled with myself in my recliner in search of some sort of physical comfort, I turned to my Bible. Before cancer and surgery, I would have been pounding pavement with the Word of God streaming through my headphones. God and I would communicate in this still, quiet way often fed by music. Today, it was through His Word.
My verse of the day didn’t seem fitting. My meditation verse wasn’t where my mind was. I really wanted to find a verse to attack someone with. That sounds horrible, but when you feel betrayed by wolves in sheep’s clothing the human side would like to know it’s okay to be mad at them. It’s not okay. It’s sin. I’m to forgive.

Then there’s this whole new set of unknowns out there. As if I really had any control over any of it before anyway. I just felt like I did.

One would think the worst part of breast cancer is behind me. Surgery #1 is complete. The tumors are gone. I’ve already viewed the aftermath. The pain is starting to subside. Strength is returning. The drainage is less. The lymph node came back negative. Healing is in progress. So much to celebrate and praise God for.

Yet, there’s the unknowns of cancer still lurking in the shadows. Genetic testing still looms in the background with results still weeks away. “Okay” margins, and what that brings to the table. Plus, that secondary tumor and not knowing if it was the same kind of cancer, but a satellite tumor of the large mass. What does that mean and how will that change future treatments?

So God sends me to Ephesians 6:10–18 to remind me to get out of my pajamas and put on the Whole Armor of God.
*My strength must come from God, not myself or any other man.
*The way to defeat cancer is to put on every piece of God’s armor daily.
*Fasten on the belt of truth. (Not what ifs or speculation, just truths)
*Put on the breastplate of righteousness – which leaves no room for evil thoughts against those I’ve felt have wronged us
*Shoes of peace – there are no better ones on the market than to walk in peace
*Put up the shield of faith – I think I let mine fall down by my side for awhile
*Cover my head in the helmet of salvation – there’s my daily meditation
*Allow the sword of the Spirit to protect me just as it has done in my past and again this morning.
*Pray at all times. God desires those open lines of communication no matter how I’m feeling or what I’m struggling with.

My armor is back on. God has restored my strength and covered me in peace. He has prepared me for whatever battle is in front of me. As prayer warriors please continue to pray for us as we enter the next stage of this journey.

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About courage2conquercancer

At the age of 40, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is an account of my journey from my discovery and beyond.
This entry was posted in breast cancer, mastectomy and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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