Today was a great day! The sun was shining, so I went for nearly a two mile walk. I walked all the way down to the trails I used to run. Most of the trees have all lost their coverings, and parts of the pathways are completely covered in fallen leaves. The creek flowed quietly beside me, the wind swayed the branches and rustled the leaves, but for the most part it was silent.
Before surgery I ran in the quiet early morning hours before the majority of my neighborhood was even awake. It was during these moments I often had conversations with God where I actually felt His presence or even felt as though I heard His voice or direction. I’ve discovered that God speaks to me in a variety of ways, and when He does, I know it’s Him!
On my walk today, I had hoped to hear His voice, to feel His presence, or something. I got “something” – An awareness of all that had changed since the last time I’d been out on the trails. A reminder that even though it’s the middle of December the sun can still shine and be warm enough to make a very slow walker sweat. Even a thought of Winnie-the-Pooh, one of my favorite fictional characters, and his blustery day. I noticed an evergreen tree still full of green life intertwined with the branches of an old oak tree already bare of its leaves and sealed off for winter. The water flowing over those two man-made steps created a cascading waterfall, one of my favorite natural features to seek out in nature. The moment of defeat when I heard the automated voice of my pacer call out the one mile mark at over seventeen minutes, yet the excitement I felt as I walked through my front door and showed my husband I’d walked nearly two miles.
On the way to the doctor’s office, we had moments when we sat in complete silence and others when we talked. At Dr. Rumalla’s office, I walked inside feeling confident and prepared for what was to come. It didn’t take the sting out of the fill, but it was easier none the less. I found out I’ll get to drive again as long as I can stay off the pain meds. It’s been nearly a month since I’ve driven myself anywhere.
Then I was on a mission to help out someone I love who’s already started down this same rugged road.
As afternoon turned over into evening, concern, thoughts, prayers, and “I’ll be thinking of you” began pouring in. To be honest, this isn’t really new anymore. It was just different tonight because things are changing again.
And that’s when it hit me! All day long God had been trying to get me to see that I’m leaving one season and beginning another. There’s a time for everything, and for me this is the time for chemo.
I’ve learned to listen to the message and wait for God’s gift. That gift is peace in knowing I have nothing to fear because I am not alone, and my strength will come from God. He will help me get through chemo just as He’s helped me get through everything else so far. He will put the people, resources, and strength that I need at my feet as long as I’m faithful and trust His will. (Isaiah 41:10)
If you have crossed my path throughout this journey, I don’t believe it was by accident. I feel strongly that God is using my journey to touch people who are fighting their own battles however similar or different theirs is than mine whether I know you or you are a complete stranger. We are all in our own seasons, fighting our own battles, but we need not fear if we have faith God is our strength because He will help us through our darkest and weakest moments.
Tomorrow, I’ll be one day closer to being cancer free!