My oncology nurse called today to apologize and explain to me what happened yesterday with my orders. Originally, I was scheduled for 12 weekly rounds of Taxol, but when I changed to Abraxane that all changed and no one really took the time to explain it to me. On the charts, it appeared as though I’d completed three rounds, but one round I never finished because I got too sick. This was the cause of the mix up.
Abraxane is a more aggressive type of chemo. This is good in the fact that it is more likely to kill any and all remaining cancerous cells. Yay! This is bad because chemo doesn’t know the difference between cancerous cells and healthy cells, so it just aggressively kills them all. This quickly lowers my blood counts weakening my immune system. Boo!
In order to create a balance, they adjust treatment. I will have 3 weekly doses of Abraxane, and then I will go on chemo vacation for a week to allow my counts time to recover. This is best practice. I look forward to my “good days”. More “good days” in a week is good for my psych. This is really good for me because I was just talking to Jon about how difficult it is on me to only have one “good day” before I start chemo all over again. I’ve prayed for God to use me for His glory since the beginning, but there’s still that selfish, human side of me that prays for “normal” days. I’m thankful He listens to even my selfish prayers and this will give me “time off” from chemo every month.
The disheartening part is chemo will now take up the month of June too. I guess I can’t run away to the Caribbean islands for the whole summer after all. Dream crushed. 😦 Maybe not even a realistic dream, but sometimes I’ve learned I have to hold on to something just to get my brain convinced to continue through the struggle. Somehow, I have a feeling God has a plan for this too. Every time I’ve questioned Him during this process, He eventually sheds some light on His plan to help me understand a little bit more why this is my life’s current journey.
Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.