April 22, 2015: Prize Machine

Do you remember as a kid staring at the machines full of prizes? One quarter was all you needed. You stared at all those goodies on display. You picked the exact one you wanted. You placed that shiny quarter someone gave you, or maybe you’d even worked hard to earn, and you turned the dial full of anticipation, hope and wonder. You opened the silver door at the bottom of the machine and used your two fingers to snag your mystery gift. Someone else usually had to help you open that crazy round container before you could finally be completely disappointed in what you received. Within a few minutes, that sought after and highly anticipated prize was lost or placed to the side no longer of any value to you anymore.

Why did I notice one of those silly machines earlier this week? Why did I visualize this scenario as I walked out to my car? Was it because my mostly mild side effects had me anticipating a better week than I ended up having? Was it telling me not to waste my money on things that truly aren’t needed? Was it preparing me to be grateful for the gift I did receive? Was it showing me I don’t always get what I want? Was it proving that even though it was my money, and I did the work to turn the dial, I still am not in control of the outcome sometimes? Was it trying to show me some investments aren’t worth the risk? Was it showing me no matter how much I did by myself I still might need help? Or maybe I was just recalling a childhood memory that has no meaning at all.

(This is the result of too many sleepless nights.)



About courage2conquercancer

At the age of 40, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is an account of my journey from my discovery and beyond.
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