May 21, 2015: Abraxane #9

Abraxane #9

I’m 75% complete with this kind of chemo. Three more rounds and done!

I slept through chemo. I don’t even remember my infusion nurse asking for my name and birthdate. 

My blood levels were all good, so I guess “life” has just worn me out. 

I was heartbroken to see one of my previous student’s mother in the chemo chair across from mine as I was leaving. She was in great spirits though. Please keep her and her son in your prayers. 

My other friend, Melissa, is a determined one as she came back for round 2 of AC chemo. Her counts keep going too low. Please keep her in your prayers. 

Jon took me for a ride to see Lake Grapevine. Several picnic tables are underwater, but it was great to see the lake so full. To go from a horrible drought to so much water seems like such a huge blessing. And everything here is so green and so full of life. My favorite color is green because of the life it represents. I see it as a sign that my life is getting stronger!

We went and had lunch with Chelsye. She was surprised to see us. I love when we do little acts of kindness like that. We love our kids so much. 

I came home and spoke to my case manager with my insurance company. I’m in the process of filing another appeal. This time for my ER visit. The hospital is “in network” but I guess the doctor (he was an amazing ER doc by the way) isn’t “in network”, so my insurance doesn’t want to pay him. My question was, “Is it a patient’s responsibility to interview ER doctors now and refuse service from those out of our insurance’s network? What if no doctor is “in network” and this is our only “in network” hospital? If so, shouldn’t we be told that?” I’m shocked by insurance companies. I shouldn’t have to fight so hard to get a company I pay monthly to help me, yet that’s what I’ve had to do over and over again. 

I guess that conversation exhausted me because then I went to sleep for nearly three hours. 

No nausea so far. Yay!

Chemo patients are a strong and determined group of people. I’ve argued and bargained for chemo when my doctor has argued against me and once when my drug didn’t get called in. I had a friend get her doctor to agree to a blood transfusion just so she could go through chemo today. I listened to a man try to negotiate with his infusion nurse to have chemo today. It’s not that we “want” to go through chemo. It’s that we want to be DONE with chemo and every treatment missed delays that “end” which is the only dim light that keeps us going some days. No one should ever have to have cancer or go through chemo, but those of us who do become some strong, bull-headed, determined, crazy people. Oh, wait! Maybe we were those things before chemo. :-/

And then this was my verse of the day today: Deuteronomy‬ ‭6:4-5 – “Listen, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD alone. And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.”

And this my mediation verse: Psalm 119:28 – My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. 

God is good. God grants me much I don’t deserve because His son, Jesus, died for all my sins long ago. God has a plan for my life that is greater and better than what I can see now. I’ve really struggled with some personal situations and have become bitter and angry about pieces of my life. That’s hard to admit and might suggest I lack faith or perhaps suggests I’m human. Regardless, I’ve been praying about this and have ask others to pray for me and my specific situations. And then today as I was mediating on these verses, I realized God was showing me it was okay to grow weary, and my strength, the strength I really need to survive, will come from and be provided by Him. Which made me go back to a conversation I had with my sister in law, Kristi, yesterday. God’s hands have been on so many things we are doing to help others in this fight. God’s hands are on me too. Great blessings have been poured over me and my family and our project. Great blessings are coming. God has a plan, and it is great!

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About courage2conquercancer

At the age of 40, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is an account of my journey from my discovery and beyond.
This entry was posted in Abraxane, breast cancer, chemo, faith and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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