June 16, 2015: The Beauty of Cancer

“Beauty” was never the first word I thought of when I heard the word “cancer”. I still struggle to recall it as a describing word even knowing how many roses are within the thorns. Beautiful it is though. 


A gorgeous life begins once you come face-to-face with death. You live life for the moment. Not recklessly or haphazardly but with a purpose to cherish moments so easily dismissed as unworthy before. 

Possessions become worthless. Time becomes invaluable. Relationships are the true treasures of life. 

Appearance is not what I once believed it to be, and my self-worth is not attached to my looks. I felt more beautiful bald than I ever have felt with hair. I’ve been more confident without eyebrows, eyelashes and make-up with a head barely covered in hair dressed in sweats and a t-shirt than I ever once felt all dolled up for a formal occasion. We are the warrior within ourselves and nothing on the outside really matters in the grand scheme of things. 

I’ve never been weaker nor have I ever been stronger. For in my weakest moments is where my greatest strengths were discovered. 

I’ve never felt closer to God than I do now. I’ve learned what is meant by the words “Be still and know that I am God”. I felt His presence in my darkest hours. I’ve heard His quiet voice in the midst of chaos. And I experienced His all covering peace in moments when I should have been terrified. 

My support system never once backed down, nor do I expect them to quit on me yet. 

The beach has always been a memory away. (I had to throw this one in here for a smile.)

People have covered me in the smallest of gifts that were often greater than the greatest of gifts. Others blessed us with great gifts at the exact moment they were needed most and nothing else could have compared. 

I’ve learned one of God’s greatest lessons is learning to be accepting of others’ God given gifts. (Humble thy self in the sight of The Lord)

A visit, a card, a text, a phone call, a hug, a mystery, a long distance walk, help with a mission, a prayer, a helping hand, hope, faith, laughter, a memory, a dream, to be thought of, and love are all the most beautiful gifts in the world. Give them. Accept them. 

To give when there was nothing to give came with glorious rewards. 

To be open and honest when silence and a lie would have been easier. 

To meet the many who’ve walked this path before me, those who are walking beside me, and those behind me brought hope and allowed me to give back. 

To know so many survivors is a wonderful blessing. I’ve learned my story will become someone else’s strong hold because I’ve held on to the stories of women who’ve shared their survival stories with me. 

Beauty is knowing my walk through the thistles and thorns was not without purpose.

  

I will give back. I will make this journey easier on others. I will be a part of an unseen army fighting as a mighty warrior for every cancer patient I meet and even those I don’t. 

Cancer doesn’t get to win. It is only allowed to be the thorns protecting the roses reminding me to slow down, to stop, to breathe, and enjoy the beauty all around me every day of my life. 

Life is short – live BIG!

God has a plan & it is good!

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About courage2conquercancer

At the age of 40, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is an account of my journey from my discovery and beyond.
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