Twenty years ago today, my daddy won his battle against cancer. Not in the way we had it all planned out to happen though. These past 14 months God has shown me His ways are not often my ways and I don’t always understand His ways or His timing, but my faith in God helps me now understand no matter how crazy or illogical it all seems to my human self, God’s plan is greater than mine and His ways are best.
We prayed for our daddy to be healed from cancer. We prayed his body would be restored to health. We prayed he would be painfree. We prayed for the return of his strength, his sparkle in his denim blue eyes, and for him to whistle again. Twenty years ago when my moma called to tell me my daddy had died, I felt betrayed by God. I was angry and sad. My young eyes, my ways, my lack of faith and understanding couldn’t see all my prayers had been answered. My dad wasn’t in pain. He didn’t have cancer. His body was restored. I should have been rejoicing, but my human selfishness couldn’t see all that then.
It would be my daddy’s battle through cancer that would guide me theough my own battle 19 years later. He taught me more than I ever knew. He prepared me for a battle I never knew I’d have to fight, one I had hoped would never be part of my life’s story. His story and my story are different yet the same. Daddy taught me to be a warrior. To fight for the ones I love over my own self. To believe in a God that can’t be seen but brings peace when nothing else and no one else can. To be brave. To be strong. To stare death in the eyes and be courageous because life is on the other side regardless of the outcome.
I’m human. I wish my dad was here still to this day. I miss him. I hate that my children and my spouse never knew him. I miss playing one on one with him and HORSE and a million other games. I miss racing down mountains, camping, going on vacations, being adventuresome, and swimming and diving with him. I miss his smile, his eyes, his whistle, and his hugs. In each of his children and grandchildren are pieces of him. I’m thankful God does stuff like that. I’m grateful for memories. And I’m thankful for the time I had on earth with him and more thankful knowing I’ll see him again one day.
Hold your parents and grandparents close. They aren’t here forever. Hold your spouse and children even closer. No day is guaranteed. Have faith that life isn’t always as it seems. God has a plan. It’s always good.