It was a normal day. I was a normal woman living a normal life. I felt normal. I looked normal. But what’s “normal” anyway? To be honest, it’s nothing more than a perception. It’s not the truth. It’s what you believe to be true. So on that one day, I believed I was normal when in fact I was not.
On that day, I was suffering from a mutation. Something deep inside of me was broken. My body’s defense mechanism tried to save me, but communication failed and a mass began to form. It had one goal, and that goal was to destroy me bit by bit.
There were options. None were easy. Nothing looked fun or exciting. In fact, they were all scary. Fear could have taken over and destroyed me before cancer had a chance, but I decided on a different path. I chose to stand on the solid rock of Christ. Once my feet were planted there in His blood, no fear could exist. Peace. Unexplainable and undeniable peace that can only come from faith and trust in Jesus and His promises. I wasn’t promised I’d live. I was only told there was a plan, and it was good. I had to have faith in that plan even though it wasn’t the plan I would have carved out for myself.
“Seek me. I’ll be there.” God spoke. I listened. I cried out to Him on more than one occasion. He was always there. Sometimes the quiet voice in a loud room or a sliver of light in the moments when I felt the darkness attempt to swallow me whole but He was always there. Always.
A team of doctors told me over and over again the plans set before me. I’d struggle for a bit. Accept my fate and move forward. Peace would come. Then BAM! The plan was no longer good. A new plan had to be created. A worse plan than the plan I didn’t want to accept in the first place. At least that’s how it seemed in the beginning. Then in the middle of the storm, there stood a rainbow. Pounding rain and hail falling down on one side and thunder crashing and lightning cracking on the other but there in the midst of it all – a rainbow! A promise that all is well with my soul.
I lost a lot. I lost many things I valued. I cried. I mourned. I yearned for things I’ll never have again. And then I gained. I gained things I never knew I even needed in my life. I suddenly discovered a side of me I didn’t even know existed. I found a me I didn’t even know was lost.
Life ended and began again because of cancer. I’ll never be who I used to be. And that’s okay because God had to move me to be who He needed me to be.