To set the record straight, I didn’t want to go through chemo. I had a horrific surgery in the hopes of avoiding chemo. I could have revolted against modern medicine and took a different route. We weighed our options. It wasn’t a just me decision either. I have a family that means more to me than I mean to myself. Statistics weren’t in my favor if I didn’t go through chemo. I was young and healthy, so I would survive and being a survivor sounded a lot better to my family than being a statistic. So I relented. I went through chemo.
Two years ago today was my first day after AC chemo and I lost the battle. I was so sick and found no relief. I didn’t sleep. It was awful. Much more horrible than I probably even wrote about it being because still to this day, I can see the looks on the faces of my husband, my son and my daughters. So fearful. So helpless. So broken-hearted. And this was just the beginning of a 6 month journey.
So what does my world look like two years later? What are the pros and cons of it all?
Let’s take a look at some of the cons of chemo 2 years after the beginning of it all:
- Fatigue is my #1 worst enemy! Some days I feel like I need to sleep all day just to feel rested.
- I’ve aged – A LOT!
- My nails are still damaged.
- My skin does not get along well with make-up even the expensive kinds.
- My bone pain can be pretty awful some days.
- My muscles are very weak.
- My hormones are nonexistent and that sucks!
- I suffer from anxiety.
- I don’t have cancer anymore.
- My blood is “normal”.
- My adrenal glands appear to be functioning normally. Some think chemo actually gets the credit for this reset.
- My body hair has been slow to grow back, so I don’t have to shave as often. 🙂 it’s the little things too.
I believe strongly that my faith in God and my amazing family and friends got me through chemo. While everyone else thinks I’m “normal”, my family knows better. They know I struggle. They know some days I hurt. Some days I’m exhausted. Most days I just can’t keep up with the demands of this crazy thing we call life. They love me anyway. They remind me why I went through all the ugliness. Being alive to watch them all grow and change and add to our family made every awful moment well worth the fight!
This is why chemo was worth every treatment!