May 6, 2017: Hey, Cancer

Hey, Cancer. It’s been a few months since I had much to say to you or even about you. Lately though, you’ve been on my mind. That’s the crazy thing about you people who’ve never had you probably don’t really understand. To be honest, I don’t understand it much either. I had hoped once you were dead and gone, I’d forget about you. Unfortunately, you’re a really hard thing to forget. Every 3 months, there’s blood drawn and office visits. And now another CAT scan. Each visit, prick, loud noise, or X-ray brings a major increase in my anxiety. And guess what, Cancer? I blame you! I started making plans for my future, so don’t even consider messing them up. I’m beginning to go at least a week without someone calling asking for money I don’t have. No one looks at me anymore with that pitiful look people give other people they think are dying. I haven’t missed you at all. You know that, right? You’re not my friend nor are you welcome back, so just stay away! Yet, whenever I drop a few months, a bruise shows up I can’t remember how it got there, when my chest hurts or the back of my shoulder makes me want to saw off my entire arm, or when my breaths are labored for any reason whatsoever – I fear your back to torment me. And then, then, I remember, that I’m not in control. But you aren’t either. And life is just too short to worry about your next move or even if you’ll ever move back in again anyway. So adios, Cancer. You aren’t welcome here! Out of sight, out of mind, and out of body! 


About courage2conquercancer

At the age of 40, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is an account of my journey from my discovery and beyond.
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