October 22, 2017

This past week my class read the poem, The Road Not Taken. It had been a bit since I’d reflected on that work of poetry. We talked about how our choices create us into the people we become, so that’s why it’s important to make wise choices. But then I began to think about the choices that are forced upon us. The ones we would have never chosen for ourselves if we would have been given the choice, yet taking them back would have created a different person we might not recognize today, and so that path way back there is just a “What If” while the path in front of us is the life we’re living.

Three years ago, such a choice was forced upon me. I had to walk down the path of cancer. There were many forks in this road. I chose surgery, chemotherapy, and opted out of radiation. But every road was one I would have rather not traveled down, yet they created a new person inside of me.

When faced with cancer, the biggest choice I made was to cling to God. He granted me a peace there are no words to describe. Still to this day, I live in this peace bubble when it comes to cancer. It’s an amazing gift from God.

I stopped worrying so much. Yes, I still stay up waiting on my child to get home regardless of the hour he is to arrive. I still check on all their well beings and pour prayers over them. I’m still a mom. But I don’t worry about everything like I used too. I used to be a constant worrier, and now I am far from that.

I have a confidence I lacked prior to cancer. I know that sounds crazy because breast cancer has a way of stripping that from a woman. But in my case, I gained it. I became a voice for others like me. I sought out ways to help others. My heart says this needs to end, but until it does, let’s at least take care of one another and pass on all we’ve learned to the next ones.

I’m dreaming again. In the fight, you are just fighting. But now, I’m dreaming. I long for vacations again. I love planning our future with Jonathan. I can see past this moment and that’s a wonderful place to be.

On this day three years ago, two paths diverged. I took this one and I look back knowing that it has made all the difference.

About courage2conquercancer

At the age of 40, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is an account of my journey from my discovery and beyond.
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