May 2019: Abundant Blessings

What IF at the end of every day each of us stopped for a brief moment and did this? On the way home from a stressful day at work, I’ll turn off the radio and won’t call anyone, and I’ll run through every single great thing that happened during the day. I’m thankful there are many. There are always more positive things than negative ones, yet it’s easier (for some really odd reason) to focus on the negative. And it’s exhausting! So I try to end each day by counting my many blessings one by one to remind me of just how many great things I have going on in my life.

Remission is a blessing in and of itself. When you’re first told you have cancer, hearing “no signs of disease” becomes the goal. A cure would be even better! Living a lifetime without every being told you have cancer again is the hope I hold on to each time I return for a checkup too.

My hair is a blessing. I loved my hair before I lost it. It didn’t come back in just like the hair I lost. It’s a weird texture, a whole lot straighter, a bit darker, and there sure are a lot of grey and silver strands mixed in now. I couldn’t wait for it to grow out of the awkward stages. I even tried to dye it at first. And then I stopped. Why fight it? Why not let it grow all naturally? How long would it take to get it long enough to curl again and be satisfied with the style? It took over four years. It was worth the wait. I’m thankful it’s long and can hold a curl again, but I’d also be totally okay with shaving it all off and starting all over again. It’s just hair. It’s not who I am! It’s not who I was! And it doesn’t define me now. It’s just hair. It’s okay to pull it up, to pin it back, to wrap it up in a bun, to let it blow in my face (even though I don’t like it to), and to even let it be messy because it’s there and it’s mine and in the end – it doesn’t even matter as much as I used to think it does.

Peace is a blessing. I used to worry way too much about everything. Things that wouldn’t matter in an hour much less in a month or a year or even longer than that. I’d love to tell you I’m cured of worrying but that would be dishonest. I still worry about things I probably shouldn’t. I just don’t worry about every single little thing I have absolutely no control over.

Cancer taught me a very important lesson and it has so much to do with God and control. He taught me to let go of a lot of things and have faith in Him. To trust Him. And to be still before Him. It’s not easy. I still fail. But I’m so much better.

Being okay with being imperfect is a blessing. Perfection is an unattainable and unreachable goal, and I’m finally totally okay with that. It’s taken me a very long time to be okay with being “less than”, but I finally realize that my imperfections are like scars – they come with some pretty amazing stories. They have made me stronger and more real than I’ve ever been. Think about it: A fairy tale is just a made up story. A messed up fairy tale is real life.

About courage2conquercancer

At the age of 40, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is an account of my journey from my discovery and beyond.
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